Bok sponsor ABSA to copy Divvy – will rest tellers

Bok sponsor ABSA to copy Divvy – will rest tellers

JOHANNESBURG. ABSA Bank, sponsors of the Springbok ‘rugby team’ say they are fully behind the decision of the side’s management to field a second string XV for the opening games of the TriNations.

A spokesperson for the bank said that as banking executives they completely endorsed the concept of overpaying people for under-performing – as long as it was all paid for by the man in the street, preferably without him even knowing it.

A spokesperson for the bank, Rich Gore said ABSA, who recently came on board as sponsors, were delighted with the exposure they had been receiving. “From a branding perspective it looks so good when they stand arm-in-arm for the anthem, or huddled together under the poles wondering what to do next.”

He said that in an effort to show solidarity with the seemingly clueless Boks that ABSA would look to rest their tellers ahead of the busy Christmas period.

“December is the World Cup of retail banking,” he said, sticking to the Springbok mantra that it was important for key staff to be well rested ahead of the festive season.

“As such we will get security guards and cleaners to run the tills during September and October,” he said.

Asked about the prudence of the decision Gore was quick to point out that all the replacements had the basic skills required for the job. “It’s not like we are putting economists or stockbrokers in as tellers.

“The replacements will all be able to count and there will be no guess work involved whatsoever,” he said.

He added, “Also they all know how to look disinterested. They can mumble. They can ignore a ringing phone for hours. They just need to get a bit more experienced.”

Defending the decision he added, “We urge clients to see the bigger picture, if we deliver a smooth service at Christmas then it will all have been worthwhile.”

Asked what would happen if things didn’t go according to plan at the end of the year, Gore said, “Then we will deal with it like bankers.”

When asked to explain he said, “Well, for now we view it as a short term investment. High risk, high return.

“But if it fails then we will plan for the following December and call it a long term investment.”

He said that either way management would all receive bonus payments on top of their inflated salaries. “Anyone will tell, it’s not about winning, it about playing the game,” he said.

Hope you enjoyed it it had to arrive eventually someone had too much time on his hands .SA loves a joke …..and this was top.